First, the news is a lump to digest.
Second, time doesn’t pause, or slow
it carries on as if nothing happened.
Third, you want to react but numbness fills your entire nervous system! Words emerge from your lips but taste like coins that don’t belong on your tongue.
Fourth, you think you’re doing okay considering the circumstances, then something triggers your subconscious & all of a sudden it hits you like a truck full of rocks, rammed into your chest, knocking the air out of your lungs, the tears won’t stop flowing, everything hurts so much harder than you thought it could.
Fifth is, the fuzzy realisation that ‘death, loss, heart-break are all apart of life’ / the news sinks in a little deeper, heaviness weighs you down like an anchor, you feel it in your bones.
Sixth, you crave both quiet/noise, to drown out the thoughts, to be under water, a calming muffled kind of enveloping, and yet, you don’t want to be left, to suffocate by everything, trying to make it through, entirely alone.
Seven, you take a deep breath, trying to settle into a calmer state of mind, having learnt the hard way, grief comes in waves, it doesn’t have an expiry date. it ages with us. it stays, reminding us, what will always matter to us a great deal. we hold onto the memories, we share of them fondly, grateful for being of the blessed, of the reflective, of those who still have a chance to make a positive mark on the lives of others ~
… “change, like healing, takes time” — Veronica. R
… the sooner we try to share how we feel, the less alone we become in experiencing our human–ness.
…. united we stand, divided we fall.
….verily, with hardship comes ease ❤
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Tuesday morning, January 24th, 2023
I lost my last living grandparent.
My Nanu 🤍 My Grandmother 🤍
May Allah (swt) have mercy on her soul.
May she find comfort & light, & endless reasons to be content & at peace & happier now, In’Sha’Allah ❤
I often take time in silence to process things, but this time I’m choosing to share my words where I can.
I want others to know they’re not alone in processing their grief & to offer comfort or hope where possible 🤍
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I wasn’t able to be by my Grandmother’s side when she passed, but I did everything within my power to bring her warmth in her final moments, though it felt minuscule, being thousands of miles away, Allah knows, I tried. In’Sha’Allah one day when I can run into her arms again, in Jannah, I’ll ask her eagerly, if she managed to feel the warmth I sent.
I can’t wait to see her smile again, hear her heartwarming chuckle of laughter, to be dazzled by her joyful sparkling youthful eyes, alongside the man whom she missed dearly for several years in his absence, now happily reunited with my grandfather, In’Sha’Allah! 🙂
Please know you can reach out to me in any shape or form if you feel comfortable, please don’t feel you have to suffer in silence, though I’m still trying to process things myself, I will try my best to respond when possible ♥️ In’Sha’Allah!
chasingsakina 